A picture of friendship

A friend recently posted a picture on facebook with the caption "What does a 35 year friendship look like?"  She and her best friend, who was visiting from Ireland, made a very nice selfie.  This week I had to ask myself, "what does a 40 year friendship look like?"  The answer, I take a day off of work to drive three hours, get a hug and a 30 second conversation and sit back and cry my eyes out as I watch my friend Davina pour out her heart to a crowd of mourners as she said good-bye to her Mama.

Davina and Miss Fehr were guests at my wedding, July 1996

On my first day of Grade 1 I met Davina and Miss Fehr.  Miss Fehr was my grade 1 teacher, who had just adopted Davina.  She had such a short haircut we couldn't tell if Davina was a girl or a boy.  Very quickly we found out she was a girl, but in actuality she was more of a tomboy at that time.  She had so many changes going on her life that she was rough, not easy to like nor befriend.  Eventually we became friends and weathered the ups and downs of childhood in a small Mennonite town, especially since she was the only native person in the community.
The teenage years were difficult for Davina and Miss Fehr.   Davina stole her car and drove to an aunt's farm; she had lots of fights with her mom; she ran away numerous times; and she quit school in grade 10.  She ended up in Saskatoon for a time, but was always welcomed home by Miss Fehr.  In 1987 she came home pregnant.  That fall she gave birth to a baby boy and gave him up for adoption.  It was an open adoption, so she was able to keep in contact with the adoptive family and occasionally visit her firstborn son.

High School friends went to see Davina after she had her baby boy.  We were surprised that she had him in her room and that we were able to meet him.

Not long after, she returned to Saskatoon.  I was shocked and wrote her a letter, telling her that I loved her, but I disagreed with her choices.  Her response was to tell me off and we lost contact for many years.  I deserved that:  she was right that she didn't need me to be preaching at her; I hadn't done much as a friend to earn the right to speak into her life.  Some years later I heard from her again; she thanked me for my letter and said that it was helpful in making her think about her choices and what she was doing with her life.  Our friendship was restored.  We haven't maintained close contact, but I consider her a treasured friend and it's always a pleasure to be with her.  She still made some decisions I didn't agree with, like moving in with a guy and getting pregnant again, but she moved forward with her life, earning her GED, and becoming an EMT.  Miss Fehr has generously supported and helped her with advise, finances, and childcare.  Davina has depended on Miss Fehr, and in these later years, Miss Fehr has depended on Davina.
I see Davina as a beautiful, strong, determined and hardworking woman.  She is a caring, loving mother to her son Christian and she is a fun-loving, adventurous woman.  I have so much respect for her and I am proud of her.  We're friends on Facebook and when I saw what she wrote back in April, she had me in tears.  This is a great statement of the woman she has become:
  "My rant for the day....Had a conversation with someone today who feels they are entitled to free education....can't get funding but won't work because they feel they should be making more than minimum wage. My response was why don't u just get a loan and pay for your schooling? Then pay your loan back. That's how I did it. I wanted to have a career and be able to provide for my son...their response?? "Well...it's not my problem you want to act like your white"......wait a minute..WTF?? Act like I'm white??? When did this come into the picture?? For your info, yes I happen to be treaty...yes I lost my culture when I was taken from my birth parents and put into a "white" family. No I don't regret being raised by my "white family"....I was raised in a pretty good family and because of morals and values I learnt from the Fehrs, I don't feel I am "entitled" to anything. I was taught to work I for my money. I have paid taxes, I was taught to be accountable for everything I do. Don't blame others for your mistakes. I was taught to have a respect for others no matter what colour they are. Yes I have experienced racism- from both brown and white. Doesn't hold me back. So before u throw the race card at me and want pity. .make sure u know where u stand with me. I am neither native or white...I am Davina. A human just like you."
   Miss Fehr passed away on June 5th and I attended her funeral on June 10th in Waldheim.  It was a beautiful celebration of a woman who overcame polio, taught hundreds of children to read and write, lived a life of faith and raised two daughters and five grandchildren through many challenges.  As Davina ended her tribute to her Mama, she said, "You did a good job raising us..."  The evidence was there as we gazed on seven people who testified to her love and generosity and will continue to live out Helen Fehr's legacy.
As I was leaving the funeral, I noticed a tall, native guy and overheard someone call him Aaron.  I stopped and turned to him, asking "Are you Davina's firstborn?  I've always wanted to meet you."  As we chatted and I tried to explain who I was, a tiny, little old lady walked past us and stopped to talk to Aaron.  "I don't know you," she said, "but I have to ask, how tall are you?"  "Six foot 10," he replied.  "How did you get to be so tall?" she asked.  Aaron shook his head and didn't know how to respond.  I chuckled and said, "Good genes."  It was so special to meet Aaron and to know that Davina and her son Christian are cared for and loved by family and friends.